How do you handle a hostile question in a meeting?
Go to the balcony. Breathe, picture yourself looking down on the scene, then step to their side and let them feel heard. Most people settle once they are.
What I say in the video
How do you handle a hostile question in a meeting or a Q&A? When emotions start climbing, your first job is to check your reaction. Breathe. There's a move I teach from William Ury's book “Getting Past No,” called going to the balcony. Picture yourself on a balcony, looking down on the scene. That little bit of distance lets you respond from a steadier place instead of reacting.
Then step to their side. Empathize, and ask for more detail if you need it. Most of the time, once someone feels fully heard, they settle down on their own. Staying calm is how you take the heat out of the room.
What I didn’t say in the video
The most underrated part of this is the question. "Tell me more" does two jobs at once. It buys you the seconds you need to get up on the balcony. And it moves the other person from venting to explaining.
It's hard to stay angry while you're giving specifics. Most hostile questions are a concern that hasn't been heard yet, and the details usually show you what it actually is.
The first answer that comes out of you in the heat of the moment is almost always a defense of yourself. The answer after the question is the one that speaks to their concern.
Try it today
Next time someone pushes back hard, say "Tell me more about that" before you answer. Then listen to the whole reply.
Bill Smartt is a New York executive presence and public speaking coach and the founder of Smartt Talk. He works with leaders in financial services, tech, advertising and startups.
